I Can't... I'm Mormon

When this little saying on t-shirts came out several years ago, all the up tight old white Utah people were SO offended. "Oh, we shouldn't focus on what Mormons can't do, it's offensive!" Whine, whine, whine. I thought it was funny, and a way to get Mormons out into the spot light without making us look like total tight wads. It's really really funny.

As Mormons we were asked a few years ago to go to the mormon.org and make a profile. It's kinda like Facebook for Mormons. We go there and write about how we feel about the church, the gospel, why we are unique, etc. I think it's a way for the church to show that Jesus is for all people, that Mormons aren't just old white men, we are women, children, people of all color, from all countries. So here's my profile, it's what I wrote to start off how I feel about Jesus and the gospel and Mormonism in general. I took out the stuff that might identify me. But I believe every word of it. So here it is, read it and weep.

Why I am a Mormon

Everything around me, everything I've ever learned tells me that there is a God. Our planet is the perfect distance from the sun, any closer we'd roast, any farther we'd freeze. The earth is tilted and rotates at a perfect angle to have seasons and gravity. The planet's polarity is at the perfect level, all this combines to tell me that there is a God. Humans as a species have developed a society and technology that is created by no other species in the world, not even close. This shows me that our existence is highly orchestrated. We are not here on accident, there is no way that everything has aligned perfectly to allow our coincidental state of being. It doesn't make sense to me that if our existence is "coincidental" that we have a "conscious" that there is a sense of right or wrong. If there is a "right and wrong" then surely it must be governed by a higher power because no other creature that we know of lives by this principle. Their lives are governed by the principle of survival, and if we are here just because the stars lined up right one time, then we should be living by the survival principle as well. Why do we feel bad if we hurt someone's feelings? Why is the best way to make yourself feel better is to serve someone else? If we operate on any level above pure survival, then logically it means to me that we are governed by a higher power. Some people will say that our sense of "right and wrong" comes from our need as humans to fulfill our social roles, just like wolves do, who will follow the rules of the pack so that they can stay. I disagree with that. Wolves need to stay in the pack for survival, they can't hunt or kill enough food to survive alone, so they follow the "pack rules" so that they can live, eat, and be protected with the rest of the pack. As humans, we can forage and hunt enough for ourselves, alone. We don't need others to survive. It helps, but it's not required. So we live our lives a certain way, not for survival but because something speaks to us personally saying that there's something else out there, so other reason behind our existence. So if all this shows me there is a God, then which God? If we have been put here for a purpose by a higher power, then surely we as people have, at some point, been told what that purpose is, and so religion is born. Someone who says they communicate with "God" and can tell us what our purpose is. Religion in general abounds, some with multiple gods, some with hateful or hedonistic gods. But deep down in my soul, I know that God is none of those things. If God is going to create and run the universe in an organized fashion and have billions of people on this planet to fulfill some purpose, then he must be a just God. Because as we discussed earlier, the universe only allows our existence in a tightly controlled environment, and there is no room for deviation. So I must believe that everything that has been created is across the board, there is no favorite people, times, places, etc. But I also can't accept that God would be mean or spiteful. I look at this amazing, beautiful world that my just God has created and I can’t believe that he is anything but loving and kind. As a parent, I’m not perfect, I’m probably not even very good, but I give my kids a great place to live. I would never hit them, or call them names, even if they deserved it. I try to teach them how to live good, successful lives. That’s not to say that I don’t let reap the consequences of their choices, especially if they go again what I’ve taught them. And it makes sense to me that really, that’s what God is, a “parent.” Gives us an amazing place to live and gives us tools and teachings to succeed. I was raised Mormon, and by the age of 14, I was overwhelmed and done with going to church, with all the activities, and the "rules." I decided that if this was really God’s church, which I doubted, then I would do what was required. But if this wasn’t God’s church, then I was going to live my life how I wanted and do my own thing. I had come to a point where I couldn’t do it any longer, I needed to know and make a choice for myself, what I was really supposed to do. So I went to my grandma’s house, away from my parents so that I could make my own decision. You know how it was as a teenager. I thought a lot about what I really wanted and stayed up really late knowing that before I went to sleep I had to pray about it, and see what happened. I had heard all these stories of people who had prayed about whether or not the church was true and having these great, undeniable confirmations. And to be honest I was scared. I was scared that nothing would happen, that I wouldn’t get an answer, which would mean that this wasn’t God’s church and that I was wasting my time. And despite what people say, it’s very comforting to know that we are being watched over, that everything we experience in this life means something. It’s a dark, depressing idea that this is random, that there is no purpose. And I was afraid that that was going to be my answer. But I was also scared that I would get an answer and that I would no excuse to do whatever I wanted, I was scared that suddenly now that I knew the church was true, I would have to be this perfect saint, so much more would be required of me, my being overwhelmed just grew exponentially. But eventually, I decided that I was tired and that if I ever wanted to get to bed, then I was going to have to pray about it, and see what happened. Guess which experience I had. It wasn’t a big, elaborate prayer; in fact it was so simple that there were no probing questions, no grandiose theology discussed, I just said “Dear Heavenly Father, I need to know.” With that I felt the room get brighter and warmer. I started crying, and just knew, I just knew that this was God’s church, this was the life that he wanted me to live. I’ve known since that moment, and I could never again deny it.

How I live my faith

Honestly I just try to be a good person. I've learned what is required of me, like going to church, helping others, and reading the scriptures and I try to do it. I'm not perfect, far from it in fact, but I do my best, and that's all I can do. In the church I was in the Nursery (the class for kids 18 to 36 months) for a few years and I loved it. Some people find it overwhelming with all the kids, but I think it's fun. I get to play with toys and eat snacks, how can that be bad? Now I teach a class for women aged 18 to death. I like it a lot, it can be a little intimidating for me because I'm not nearly as knowledgeable about spiritual things as most of the other women, but I'm a teacher so I try to make it interesting.