Return of the Jedi

I've had an interesting last 24 hours because out of the blue, I've had 2 guys contact me that I haven't heard from in a long time. The first is a guy that I've known for probably 15+ years, we were in the same ward growing up, our families had kids the same age and so we knew their family very very well. But unfortunately, he knew me while I was a teenager and very unhappy and very aggressive. I left for the army and I hadn't seen him in several years when I ran into him at my brother's wedding reception. I don't remember if his wife and kids were there or not, but we were just talking and he said something like "hey do you remember when we were in high school and you got mad at me and beat me up?" Of course I don't remember that, oh I'm sure I did it, but I don't remember it. And that's the last time I saw him for a while. Anyway, so a few months ago, I posted on Facebook one of my posts from this blog, I don't know why but I did, I didn't think anything of it, I didn't think that anyone had even really noticed it. But last night he messaged me on FB and said that he had been following my blog ever since I posted on FB. He said that he enjoyed reading my thoughts on the Book of Mormon, church and life. He thanked me for being a great example to him and others, and told me that I was a good woman and a good mom. I was immediately humbled, here is this guy who I was awful to for a long time, and he's apparently not only forgiven me, he's accepted the apology I never had the courtesy to give him, and he himself has turned into an amazing man, and he can say that to me, who doesn't deserve it, who is so consumed with self to even know that I had caused a problem, it was very humbling for me and a great lesson in spiritual growth, and he was a great example for me and I appreciate it. We are going to get together for dinner sometime and that will be fun.

Then I check my email tonight and there's an email from this guy that I dated after I first got divorced. After I filed for divorce, I had been married for almost 11 years, and deeply hurt and betrayed, and I decided, fully against the advice of everyone, including God, that I was going to just do whatever I wanted. So I did the dating nonmembers thing for a few months. It was bad, I'm such an idiot and I deeply regret those horrid choices that I made at the time. But then I realized that I was so so so stupid, and broke everything off with that life and moved forward. I've gone to the temple, started this blog, moved forward and am on the strait and narrow, fully committed to living the gospel. But one of the guys that I was dating was SUPER hot, and we got along really well, and we had a good time. I liked the way he asked me how my day was and talked to me about what he had been doing, and he called me "babe" and I loved that. But of course he wasn't a member, and everything that that entails. We eventually fell out of contact, and that was that. So when I got that email, it was interesting because there's no way that I'm going to go out with him again, because that's just an accident waiting to happen, but for just a second, I was like hmmm..... I guess it's difficult for me too because dating within the church at my age is crappy, and I get really discouraged sometimes just because being single can suck. So it's like "ok I can be single forever in the church, or you can go back to living sinfully with some really hot guys." Of course I'm not leaving the church, and in fact, I'm confident I'm not even going to respond back to him. But it was just an interesting commentary on who I am now and where I've been. I love God, his mercy is unbelievable. And I decided that I will be single and temple worthy for the rest of my life before I'll leave the Lord again.