Jacob 3:4-14
Just to follow up on my little melt down last night, I really thought about what I had been doing, how I had been thinking and acting recently, and my heightened level of anxiety about everything, and I realized that I had made up my own little plan of how my life would be perfect, I would get a better shift at work, I would get married in the temple to an awesome man who loves me and my kids, and we would live happily ever after, and it was frustrating to me because that's how I saw my circumstances improving, but I never stopped to think for one second what the Lord had in mind for me. It's interesting, going back to the mermaid tail analogy, I tried to think about it not from the view of a flawed, mortal, exhausted woman, but instead I tried to imagine God's thoughts and methods when I come to him asking for certain things to improve my life, like a better shift or a righteous man. Those are righteous desires, but that doesn't mean that it's all just going to be given to me just because I asked. I learned last night that the Lord doesn't want me how to tell him how to fix my problems, he wants me to ask him what to do, he wants me to find joy in the journey. So last night and all day today, I haven't prayed for the same specific things, I prayed for comfort and guidance. I know that that seems really basic, and I tried to make it all wordy but in the end, I just said "please give me comfort and guidance" because that's where I'm at spiritually right now. I also tried to change my perspective from one of "waiting" for my circumstances to change, to one of "living" my current place in life, because this is where I am today, yesterday is over and tomorrow could be something completely different, but today I just did the next indicated thing. And guess what? I had a better attitude, I was a good mom, I tried to be patient, I tried to be fun, I tried to listen, I tried to engage, we went on a bike ride, when I got to work I was in a good mood, even though we were just as busy today as we have been all week, I handled it better, people apologizing to me for hassles they left for me, people tip toeing around me, it was no big deal, I told them "no worries, go home, I got it" and they seemed relieved, and that makes me sounds like a monster, and maybe I am, but I was happy with how everything turned out today. Another thought that I had was that by spiritually growing, me and my kids, we are primed for satan to make sure that we are committed. We have read the Book of Mormon together as a family for I think like 10 days now, we are on chapter 5. We have had Family Home Daytime on our set Tuesday after school for 2 weeks in a row, and we have prayed twice a day as a family for almost 2 weeks. These are major changes and hopefully will bring an avalanche of spiritual guidance and comfort for me and the kids, but it occurred to me that we might be having kind of a rough time because of the increase of spiritual effort.
3:4-7 - These verses bring up a very interesting concept, that of prejudice, not simply because of skin color or other physical characteristics but simply because you feel like you are better than someone else, and it's never true. This is a lesson that I try to engrain into my kids, no one is better than you but you're not better than anyone else either, all people are beautiful and special to Jesus so we need to be nice to everyone. Now this goes into the whole "do I have to expose myself emotionally to someone who is hurtful just for the sake of being nice?" No, of course not, but it's not ok to be mean back, you don't have to be best friends, but you do need to be nice. I could only imagine the shock that came to the wicked Nephites when they heard their prophet say that the Lamanites "are more righteous than you." This comes back to Nephi's references to the "skins" of the Lamanites being cursed, but I contest that the actual "sore cursing" is a loss of the Spirit, as is suggested in the IM by President Joseph F. Smith saying "the dark skin was placed upon the Lamanites so that they could be distinguished from the Nephites... (it) was a sign of the curse (not the curse itself.) The curse was the withdrawal of the Spirit of the Lord." So interestingly enough, it seems that the Nephites at the time were just as confused about the Lamanite's cursing as we are today. Many people thought at the time, just as now, that the dark skin was the curse, but honestly how does that in any way makes sense? If the Lamanites have lost the Holy Spirit, how then is their righteousness compared to the Nephites when, despite a lack of spiritual guidance, they still manage to keep the commandments better? And this isn't simply a "they don't know any better so they won't be destroyed" the Lord specifically tells the Nephites that "because of... keeping this commandment, the Lord God will not destroy them, but will be merciful unto them." And really the value of the family is really the barometer of the righteousness of any society, because parenting is exhausting, being in a monogamous relationship is a joke to the natural man, and the responsibility to support, care for, and raise a righteous family with another person who probably bugs you sometimes, can be overwhelming. The opposite of the family is promiscuity, child abandonment and abuse, infidelity, money mismanagement, etc. These are the desires of the natural man, and the root is selfishness, laziness, and the drive to give up anything that doesn't pleasure you personally and immediately. So really, family is the ultimate antithesis to the natural man. It causes people to put aside self for the good of someone else, and causes people to work when they are tired and to serve when it seems pointless. The family is the garden where Christ-like attributes are cultivated. This is why satan hates the family so much... hmmmm..... how interesting, I had never seen it like that before. So for the Lamanites to put off the natural man to truly, deeply, love each other indicates that they most likely had a much more profound spiritual life than the Nephites ever imagined, even for themselves. So really, Jacob's question probably stuck a terrible guilt into their hearts when he asked "how much better are you than they, in the sight of your great Creator?"
3:8-9 - Jacob again here uses the "skins" reference, but I believe that he does a good job here in specifying "when ye shall be brought with them before the throne of God." In a literary sense, this is an excellent transition in the metaphor, as Jacob was previous accusing the Nephites of hating the Lamanites solely based on their skin color, but then going to the "their skins shall be whiter than yours at the last day" when I'm pretty sure that that's a reference to the spiritual state, because it doesn't make sense that the color of one's skin is a factor at the judgement day. Jacob specifically commands his people "that ye revile no more against them because of the darkness of their skins." I honestly don't know what else there needs to be for anyone to understand that no one is better or worse because of their physical features. And this is just speculation, but perhaps this is a way to demonstrate that the priesthood not being available to every male member of the church for a while was not doctrine at all, but a cultural "rule" gone wrong. Now that's interesting.
3:10-14 - The way a parent lives their life has a tremendous impact on a child, that they carry into adulthood, all the attention in the world leaves one child, and complete abandonment leaves another child. I will tell you that it's very difficult to teach my son that it is wise to follow the prophet's counsel to not watch R rated movies when "but grandpa and daddy watch R rated movies." Or to tell them that it's important to keep the Word of Wisdom when "but Justin and daddy drink coffee." Perhaps the term "example" used here is a generalized term for the pain that can be caused by parents who don't keep their covenants. The IM quotes Elder Vaughn J. Featherstone as relating a teaching by Elder Bruce R. McConkie's father Oscar Walter McConkie "when we violate any commandment, however small, our youth may choose to violate a commandment later on in life perhaps 10 times or 100 times worse and justify it on the basis of the small commandment we broke." I had never considered that before, the justification that our children can use that was spawned by us. Now I don't think that this means that we have to perfect because it's not going to happen in this life, nor can we make anyone else's choices for them, but we can prepare our children the best we can. This leads into the IM's next teaching by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland " “I think some parents may not understand that even when they feel secure in their own minds regarding matters of personal testimony, they can nevertheless
3:4-7 - These verses bring up a very interesting concept, that of prejudice, not simply because of skin color or other physical characteristics but simply because you feel like you are better than someone else, and it's never true. This is a lesson that I try to engrain into my kids, no one is better than you but you're not better than anyone else either, all people are beautiful and special to Jesus so we need to be nice to everyone. Now this goes into the whole "do I have to expose myself emotionally to someone who is hurtful just for the sake of being nice?" No, of course not, but it's not ok to be mean back, you don't have to be best friends, but you do need to be nice. I could only imagine the shock that came to the wicked Nephites when they heard their prophet say that the Lamanites "are more righteous than you." This comes back to Nephi's references to the "skins" of the Lamanites being cursed, but I contest that the actual "sore cursing" is a loss of the Spirit, as is suggested in the IM by President Joseph F. Smith saying "the dark skin was placed upon the Lamanites so that they could be distinguished from the Nephites... (it) was a sign of the curse (not the curse itself.) The curse was the withdrawal of the Spirit of the Lord." So interestingly enough, it seems that the Nephites at the time were just as confused about the Lamanite's cursing as we are today. Many people thought at the time, just as now, that the dark skin was the curse, but honestly how does that in any way makes sense? If the Lamanites have lost the Holy Spirit, how then is their righteousness compared to the Nephites when, despite a lack of spiritual guidance, they still manage to keep the commandments better? And this isn't simply a "they don't know any better so they won't be destroyed" the Lord specifically tells the Nephites that "because of... keeping this commandment, the Lord God will not destroy them, but will be merciful unto them." And really the value of the family is really the barometer of the righteousness of any society, because parenting is exhausting, being in a monogamous relationship is a joke to the natural man, and the responsibility to support, care for, and raise a righteous family with another person who probably bugs you sometimes, can be overwhelming. The opposite of the family is promiscuity, child abandonment and abuse, infidelity, money mismanagement, etc. These are the desires of the natural man, and the root is selfishness, laziness, and the drive to give up anything that doesn't pleasure you personally and immediately. So really, family is the ultimate antithesis to the natural man. It causes people to put aside self for the good of someone else, and causes people to work when they are tired and to serve when it seems pointless. The family is the garden where Christ-like attributes are cultivated. This is why satan hates the family so much... hmmmm..... how interesting, I had never seen it like that before. So for the Lamanites to put off the natural man to truly, deeply, love each other indicates that they most likely had a much more profound spiritual life than the Nephites ever imagined, even for themselves. So really, Jacob's question probably stuck a terrible guilt into their hearts when he asked "how much better are you than they, in the sight of your great Creator?"
3:8-9 - Jacob again here uses the "skins" reference, but I believe that he does a good job here in specifying "when ye shall be brought with them before the throne of God." In a literary sense, this is an excellent transition in the metaphor, as Jacob was previous accusing the Nephites of hating the Lamanites solely based on their skin color, but then going to the "their skins shall be whiter than yours at the last day" when I'm pretty sure that that's a reference to the spiritual state, because it doesn't make sense that the color of one's skin is a factor at the judgement day. Jacob specifically commands his people "that ye revile no more against them because of the darkness of their skins." I honestly don't know what else there needs to be for anyone to understand that no one is better or worse because of their physical features. And this is just speculation, but perhaps this is a way to demonstrate that the priesthood not being available to every male member of the church for a while was not doctrine at all, but a cultural "rule" gone wrong. Now that's interesting.
3:10-14 - The way a parent lives their life has a tremendous impact on a child, that they carry into adulthood, all the attention in the world leaves one child, and complete abandonment leaves another child. I will tell you that it's very difficult to teach my son that it is wise to follow the prophet's counsel to not watch R rated movies when "but grandpa and daddy watch R rated movies." Or to tell them that it's important to keep the Word of Wisdom when "but Justin and daddy drink coffee." Perhaps the term "example" used here is a generalized term for the pain that can be caused by parents who don't keep their covenants. The IM quotes Elder Vaughn J. Featherstone as relating a teaching by Elder Bruce R. McConkie's father Oscar Walter McConkie "when we violate any commandment, however small, our youth may choose to violate a commandment later on in life perhaps 10 times or 100 times worse and justify it on the basis of the small commandment we broke." I had never considered that before, the justification that our children can use that was spawned by us. Now I don't think that this means that we have to perfect because it's not going to happen in this life, nor can we make anyone else's choices for them, but we can prepare our children the best we can. This leads into the IM's next teaching by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland " “I think some parents may not understand that even when they feel secure in their own minds regarding matters of personal testimony, they can nevertheless
make that faith too difficult for their children to detect. We can be reasonably active, meeting-going Latter-day Saints, but if we do not live lives of gospel integrity and
convey to our children powerful, heartfelt convictions regarding the truthfulness of the Restoration and the divine guidance of the Church from the First Vision to
this very hour, then those children may, to our regret but not surprise, turn out not to be visibly active, meeting-going Latter-day Saints or sometimes anything close to it." Most of us love our children so much that we would be willing to die for them, but that's usually not required, we really need to love our children enough to LIVE for them. Teach them the way to go, the knowledge they need both by words and by letting them watch us do it in our own lives. We need to put ourselves aside and truly love them, and desire their success, this is what it truly means to be good parents. Which is maybe why Nephi said that he was from "goodly parents." Lehi and Sariah loved their children and showed them, taught their children and showed them, desired deep within their souls the eternal wellbeing of their children, and then showed them.
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