3 Nephi 12:41-48

12:41-48 - I'm kind of at a different place tonight because I've heard something really awful and I don't really like to bring up political stuff up in this because I like to focus on the Gospel, but this, I think goes hand in hand. I'm really kind of at a loss because I had someone say something to me about ISIS in Iraq crucifying children and I thought "that's pretty far fetched," but I looked at it and yeah it's happening, it's sick, and I'm reminded why I can't mentally engage in heavy stuff like this because I had a little break down. It's even more difficult for me personally because I was there, during the initial invasion when Saddam was overthrown and we basically opened up the way for the most violent to take over the government. I supported the war, many people did, but I didn't know then what I know now, and unfortunately, it's too late. I have read about what these people are doing and I'm reminded of the atrocities and horror that has always dominated human existence. I definitely got some perspective tonight, I was blessed beyond measure, I am sheltered and I am cared for, it doesn't matter if I ever get married again, it doesn't matter if I ever switch my shifts at work, none of that matters, what matters is that Jesus is the Christ. It made me physically sick to read about what's happening, my heart ached for the death and suffering of the people being tortured, and I cried, I went to the back of my office and I cried. I kept asking how, how could the amazing God that I know and love tell us to come to this earth and to live and die with this type of suffering that is unimaginable to me? How could this immeasurable terror and evil ever be overcome in a manner that would appease all those who suffered it? I felt like "Jesus, save me!" And really that's all there is, the most powerful part to me was when I was crying alone in the dark and in my mind I heard, "woman, why weepest thou?" Then a moment later, "He is not here; for he is risen." That's what this is, that's how this overcomes all death and suffering, nothing matters, not what you suffer through, not how you die, the only thing that matters is that the horror dispensed on this earth through Satan is crushed by the Savior, and that's the ultimate ending to the Atonement yes, "He is not here; for he is risen." I read the remaining verses in this chapter from that perspective and it really was quite amazing, Jesus taught, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you." HN quotes "Brother Kimball" as saying "they will cease being your enemies in that case; that's the only way they will ever cease being your enemies." That's an interesting point. There are many people who are killed and in terrible, tortuous ways too, and that's tragic, but I think that one of the things that is even worse if for those who don't die, who aren't killed but who are kept, and the most prominent example that I can think of is those who are sold as slaves, sex slaves most specifically. Some of the articles that I read talked about this group taking boys as soldiers and women and girls serve as sex slaves to the men or to be sold as such. This has been the ultimate pit of hell for women since the dawn of time, with the vast majority of women who have ever existed being sexually assaulted at one point in their lives, and for some repeatedly. I imagine that this is the worst fate possible for a woman in this life. How, how does God compensate for this? How does a woman who has suffered to this extreme in this life ever feel satisfied in the reward for endurance? I think about that verse from the view point of one of those women, imagine trying to do good for them who rape you, I can't even imagine not slitting their throat and awaiting my own execution. But to see those who hurt you and those you love as human beings, as children of God, pray for them? HN continues along my own line of thinking, "as Brother Kimball said, they will cease being your enemies in that case, that's the only way they will ever cease being your enemies. Unless you kill them- there's the answer, of course. As we learn a little later on, 'God will not that man should shed blood, but in all things hath forbidden it since the beginning of man.' That's not the solution. What you do it 'pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you.'" Could you imagine someone who killed your children not being your enemy? That's a pretty big stretch, for me at least. I guess it's reminiscent of Jonah, who hated Nineveh for what they had done to him and his people. That's understandable, that's the human condition, I still hate people who have done bad things to me, and I think that I use the guise of "I forgive them but I'm not going to let myself be hurt by them again." Maybe this is my call, this is my sign that I'm supposed to learn to be more forgiving, to learn to love everyone, even those who hurt me and others. Oh my heart hurts. I also thought it profound Jesus taught "for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good." That's to preserve agency yeah? Like James E. Talmage says in the "Articles of Faith," saying, "for the certainty of immediate pleasure or pain would almost universally determine human acts to secure the one and to avoid the other. Judgment, therefore, is postponed, that every one may fully prove his nature." If one faced the prospect of being in physical darkness for all their lives unless they repented, that would make their choice different then "should I follow God or Satan?" which is really the point of why we're here. Also in my reflection of this chapter from a different point of view I found verse 46 to be quite interesting. Whereas Christ fulfilling old things, and instituting new things would usually refer to the Law of Moses, today it meant something totally different to me. I thought of the "things which were of old time" as the way that we live here, suffering, so many influenced by Satan and that "all things have become new" as being either the next life or our purpose in this life through the gospel and atonement of Jesus Christ. The old things are the temptations we face here, the horrors we face here, the suffering that we face here, those are the "old things." But Jesus provides us the "new" things, love, comfort, peace, joy, love, reunion, and it's not just that Jesus is offering those things to us and Satan's evil lurks in the background, there's always some wariness in that, you can't be fully settled because you are waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the grasp of evil to choke you. No, Jesus not only supplies the new amazing way, he crushes the old horrible way, he takes away the power from Satan, he is our ultimate protector, truly our Savior. And finally Jesus tells us "therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect." The IM says "It is not possible to be perfect in this life. However, President James E. Faust explained that we must seek for perfection now so as to be able to attain it in the next life: 'Perfection is an eternal goal. While we cannot be perfect in mortality, striving for it is a commandment which ultimately, through the Atonement, we can keep.' President Spencer W. Kimball also explained the need to strive for perfection: '''Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.' Now, that is an attainable goal. We will not be exalted, we shall not reach our destination, unless we are perfect, and now is the best time in the world to start toward perfection. I have little patience with persons who say, 'Oh, nobody is perfect,' the implication being; 'so, why try?' Of course no one is wholly perfect, but we find some who are a long way up the ladder.'" Just try, do our best, do every thing we can and we'll get there eventually.

While I was having a breakdown, I thought about myself, if I was in that situation, if I would be afraid of dying, and to my astonishment, I realized that I would be, I would be afraid to die because I'm afraid of even more suffering in the next life. I found comfort in Alma 40:11-12 "now, Concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection- behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life. And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow." We will be happy in the next life, if we are righteous in this life, and that's a beautiful thing. I also found much comfort and perspective in chapter 38 of the "Teachings of Brigham Young." I don't have time to pick our my favorite parts, but it's pretty amazing.