Moroni 9:21-26

9:21-26 - I wonder if this is the way that Mormon tells his son Moroni that he's proud of him, speaking of his people the Nephites, "Behold, my son, I cannot recommend them unto God lest he should smite me. But behold, my son, I recommend thee unto God, and I trust in Christ that thou wilt be saved." I don't know why but it's cute to me that that's how he tells Moroni that he's proud of the man that he became. It's interesting to me that Mormon hopes that Moroni will live "to witness the return of his people unto him, or their utter destruction; for I know that they must perish except they repent and return unto him." I don't know if that's what I would wish for my children, especially knowing how it worked out for Moroni, how he wandered alone for what was it 35 years or something like that? Would I wish that on my kids? I don't know. I also think it's interesting that Mormon referenced the destruction of the Jaredites and "seeking for blood and revenge." Mormon encourages Moroni to "be faithful in Christ." It's interesting because he encourages him to not be weighed down because of the wickedness of the people, and I've been dealing with something similar to this for the last couple of weeks, drama at work and I've been very weighed down but the Lord has been there trying to teach me and comfort me and I've been learning but also pretty inconsolable.  Mormon says the same thing Jesus has been telling me "may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever." The IM quotes Elder Neal A. Maxwell as teaching, "Our usage of the word hope includes how we 'hope' to arrive at a certain destination by a certain time. We 'hope' the world economy will improve. We 'hope' for the visit of a loved one. Such typify our sincere but proximate hopes. Life's disappointments often represent the debris of our failed proximate hopes. Instead, however, I speak of the crucial need for ultimate hope. Ultimate hope is a different matter. It is tied to Jesus and the blessings of the great Atonement, blessings resulting in the universal Resurrection and the precious opportunity provided thereby for us to practice emancipating repentance, making possible what the scriptures call a 'perfect brightness of hope.' Moroni confirmed: 'What is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ.' Real hope, therefore, is not associated with things mercurial, but rather with things immortal and eternal!" The last thing we hear from Mormon in the entire Book of Mormon is "And may the grace of God the Father, whose throne is high in the heavens, and our Lord Jesus Christ, who sitteth on the right hand of his power, until all things shall become subject unto him, be, and abide with you forever. Amen." The IM comments on "The Grace of God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ," teaching, "Mormon knew that Moroni faced overwhelming challenges due to the wickedness of the Nephites. Nevertheless, Mormon also knew that Moroni could endure with the assistance of divine grace. True to the Faith explains that grace provides strength to preserve in the daily struggle of life: 'The word grace, as used in the scriptures, refers primarily to the divine help and strength we receive through the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ... In addition to needing grace for your ultimate salvation, you need this enabling power every day of your life. As you draw near to your Heavenly Father in diligence, humility, and meekness, He will uplift and strengthen you through His grace." I've really struggled these last couple of weeks with fear and insecurity and self-doubt. The Lord has been so merciful to me and taught me so much, and I think that they tie in quite nicely here, when Mormon and Moroni are faced with imminent death and surrounded by the most awful wickedness in their recorded history. Like he always does, the Lord sent me Ensign articles and general conference talks and wise people to teach and strengthen me. In the October 2009 Ensign article entitled "Truths and Lies," the author addressed many of my insecurities, I'm going to quote them here as they apply to me. This also goes into how Satan would benefit from people believing in the lie of infant baptism. The article is prefaced "Satan regularly lies to us about the nature of God and of ourselves. But we don't have to listen." The article says, and I'm skipping around to what fits me best, "One way that Satan attempts to overcome us with such feelings is by telling us lies about our worth and about God's feelings toward us... President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, has warned that 'Satan might even misuse words from the scriptures that emphasize the justice of God, in order to imply that there is no mercy.'... Lie:... Only when I am perfect will I be able to experience love from God and from others. Truth: Even though I'm not perfect now, I can have constant access to divine love... Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, former Relief Society general president, asked, 'Do we frequently reject the Lord's love that He pours out upon us in much more abundance that we are willing to receive? Do we think we have to be perfect in order to deserve His love? When we allow ourselves to feel 'encircled about eternally in the arms of his love,' we feel safe, and we realize that we don't need to be immediately perfect." It was the part that when we feel his love we feel safe, and that's something that I've struggled with intensely for a while now, the feeling of being vulnerable and alone. The article continues, "Lie: I'm a terrible failure. I'll never bee good enough because I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Truth: I'm not perfect, but the desires of my heart are good. I can feel inspired to progress. While guilt or 'godly sorrow' can be a gift from God that inspires us to change and improve, Satan can also use guilt to demoralize us.... Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles offered this comfort to those plagued by feelings of failure and excessive guilt: 'May I speak, not to the slackers in the kingdom, but to those who carry their own load and more; not to those lulled into false security, but to those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short... There is a difference... between being 'anxiously engaged' and being over-anxious and thus underengaged... We can distinguish more clearly between divine discontent and the devil's dissonance, between dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second, remembering that when conscience calls us from the next ridge, it is not solely to scold but also to beckon." This quote by Elder Maxwell had me spiritually in tears, this is exactly how I feel, like a broken vessel trying my hardest to stay put together. This was pivotal for me. Continuing "Lie: I have too many issues, hang-ups, and past mistakes to be blessed and happy. Truth: No mistake, no personal challenge, no past circumstance is outside of the healing and redemptive power of the Atonement... President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve teaches that save for those few who defect to perdition after having known a fulness, there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness... Restoring what you cannot restore, healing the wound you cannot heal, fixing that which you broke and you cannot fix is the very purpose of the atonement of Christ." Fixing what I broke and can't fix myself, or even the parts of me that someone else broke but that I can't fix, that's the purpose of the atonement, to be healed, and I guess I don't even know what that means, what would it be like to be healed? How would it feel? How would I act? I have thought that I was healed, but that's clearly not the case, because I still am easily pricked, easily overwhelmed, feel soul crushing fear and embody it so readily, that is not what healing is. Healing is peace, and joy, and comfort, and trust, and faith, and hope, and love, both to give love and to receive it, unconditionally. That's what healing is to me, and that's not what I am or how I feel much of the time. I want to be healed, I want to be happy and not live in fear, I want to have peace, but I don't know how to get there.