You Gotta Believe

It’s really interesting that yesterday I wrote about how I didn’t doubt God’s ability to bless me, just that I don’t believe that he will choose to bless me. Then today I was in the car waiting for my daughter so we could go to school/work and I was looking through the December 2017 Ensign because I thought I had finished it, but apparently I didn’t. I just happened to come across an article by Matthew O. Richardson entitled “You Gotta Believe” and the summarization said, “I was stuck in a rut of believing that God would work His mighty miracles for everyone but me.” My reaction was immediate, I knew that this was Jesus reaching out to me, telling me that it’s ok that I feel this way and that he wants to help me out of it. Driving to work I listened to the article and I realized that my perspective is all wrong. I live a very linear life, I see the world as very “cause & effect,” if A=B and B=C then A=C. This isn’t necessarily wrong and I think that it’s probably a very logical, human way of interpreting the world, but it’s fundamentally flawed when it comes to our relationship with God. I’m a visual person, so I made an infographic to describe how I felt about my life, and why I was so reluctant to make changes.

 

 

 

This is how I see my life. I have a trial to face, then once I endure it, not well necessarily because I can be quite fussy, then I get to be happy, I get a “reward” of whatever that is. This is definitely how I am looking at my life right now. I know that I need to make some changes, but it’s very daunting to look at the enormity of this trial and not know how long I have to endure it before I can be happy. I’m not convinced that the level of reward or happiness at the end of the trial will be worth all the trouble I went through to endure it. I just have to add that this is a personal trial with a personal weakness that is quite substantial. This is not a “worthiness” issue, it’s not an issue with eternal consequences. Maybe I could say this is my “taking it to the next level.” Like we learned last week, we can maintain faith by keeping the commandments and doing what we’re supposed to do, but we can’t grow, we can’t increase our faith. Likewise, we can retain God’s favor when we do what He says, but to truly live a remarkable life, it takes more effort and that’s what I both want and am terrified to do.

 

After listening to the article, I saw a different way of viewing my relationship with the Savior. Instead of enduring a hardship until it ends and receiving a reward, there is a constant blessing and rewarding for putting forth effort. I think that I’ve told myself that my personal weakness is a spiritual stumbling block, that I’m some how unrighteous for not fixing it immediately. But this is what it is, it’s a personal weakness and taking care of it will be difficult, very difficult, but it will be the difference between an ordinary and an extraordinary life. I can’t look at a trial and expect a certain reward after it’s over, which is how I viewed my life at this point, “if I do this, then I get that.” But that’s not the case, if I keep the commandments, then I can be saved, but if I do more than keep the commandments, if I follow promptings, if I put effort into prophetic counsel, then I will be ready to receive the blessings in the Lord’s timing.

 

 

I found this to be more accurate and initially I had made this to depict an entire life’s journey, but I realized that this can be just as applicable to enduring a single trial. It’s not a one time event, there is always consequences attached to whatever happened and those have to be dealt with. But the biggest difference in the two perspectives is that the blessings don’t come at the end of the trial with this one. Notice that the trials are situated at the lowest point in each slope. This is because we can use trials to become closer to God, therefore heading back up hill, making progress. The blessings however are not situated at any set point. They are constant and far outweigh the trials in number and volume.

 

I’m on a journey to a remarkable life. I have the power to become who I want to be. I don’t think that I can even conceive what Heavenly Father wants me to be, but I can be strong and happy and a blessing to others. This is the way that He wants to show me and I’ve been fighting him for so long. In the article, Brother Richardson talks about a conversation he had with Elder Jeffrey R. Holland saying, “At one point (Elder Holland) said, ‘Matt, part of your problem is that you don’t believe.’ I admit I felt a little bad, as if my testimony was considered subpar. ‘Oh, I’m not talking about your testimony,’ President Holland said. ‘You just believe that God will work His might miracles for everyone but you.’ His assessment was right. And then he said with his typical fervor, ‘You gotta believe, Matt. You gotta believe.’”

 

Yesterday I believed that Jesus was able to blessing me, but was unwilling to. But now I have to believe that Jesus is able to bless me and that he really wants to. I don’t have to finish going through an incredibly difficult trial before he’ll show me any attention or approval. He wants to go through the trial with me, he wants to help me and he knows what to do, he wants to show me. But if I won’t even try, then how can He. Heavenly father and Jesus Christ are currently and will work miracles in my life. I gotta believe.