Behold Thy Son - John 19:25-27

Since the crosses aren’t as far off the ground as we might have been led to believe, Jesus is well aware of those who are passing around him. There would definitely be a sense of vulnerability because at least if he was several feet off the ground, he would be out of range of most people. But having him only a couple of feet at most off the ground with hands and feet restrained, the tenderest parts of his body would have been unprotected and open to any who felt so inclined to make his situation worse. Jesus would also be acutely aware of those who were staying with him at the cross. Let’s remember that all the disciples fled after Jesus was arrested, except for Peter, who we already talked about, but also John who was allowed into Caiaphas’s palace for the trial and is now sitting at Jesus’ feet at the cross along with Mary, “his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary Magdalene.”

To set the scene, there is Jesus hanging on the cross in agony, dying, surrounded by four women and one man. I would imagine that female friends and family members would have been a common sight at a crucifixion because I don’t think that even the Romans would dare to tear a mother away from her dying child, and women are statistically less likely to react violently. Romans would probably see a group of women at a cross and not see any danger at all, in fact, if anything, the women were more likely to become victims of the Romans than the reverse. So the women at Jesus’ cross makes sense, but why John? I’m not sure exactly how certain it is, but I have heard the theory that John’s mother was Mary’s sister and so John and Jesus were cousins. If that’s the case, then it wouldn’t have just been a matter of Jesus knowing John was ready to be a disciple when they met, but that they had probably been very close their whole lives. Now that I think about it, Jesus probably knew most of those he called as disciples long before the time actually came.
Hanging in agony on the cross, Jesus was still more concerned with the welfare of others than himself. Looking at his devastated mother, he says “Woman, behold thy son! Then saith he to the disciple (John), Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciples took her unto his own home.” Being the eldest son, it was Jesus’ obligation to care for his aging mother. I assumed that when Jesus died, the responsibility would fall to his next oldest brother, and we know that he had many siblings, but apparently that wasn’t the case, it was Jesus’ job to arrange for his mother to be cared for, and that’s what he did at that moment. So why did Jesus choose John instead of one of his siblings? I can’t say for sure one way or the other, but there are several ideas that come to mind when thinking about why John would have been a better fit for Mary.
First, we know that Jesus’ brothers became converted after his death and were critical to the spread of the gospel afterward. With that in mind, Jesus would have known that his brothers wouldn’t have been home to take care of Mary, and might not have the income to support her. But John would have been incredibly poor as well, as he had been essentially “unemployed” for the last 3 years. An article answering this same question on icthys.com says, “Our Lord was clearly more concerned with His mother’s spiritual welfare than with either family considerations or economic welfare (and letting His brothers take care of her would have been better on both of these other two counts). For our Lord was concerned that His mother continue in an environment of faith, her eternal life and spiritual growth being even more important to Him than her physical life and financial security.”
Second, we know that John requests and is granted the same blessing as the three Nephites, who ask for immortality to teach the gospel until the Savior returns again. John does have a rough go at it for years after Jesus’ death, but because he wasn’t going to age himself and break down physically, it would seem possible for him to financially support Mary for the rest of her life. Also if John really was the son of Mary’s sister, then he would have probably taken responsibility for his own mother as well. Clearly Mary and her sister had a close relationship because the woman was willing to risk exposure to the Romans to mourn her nephew’s execution and comfort her sister. Having John care for Mary would probably enable her to live and grow old with her sister. When choosing who would care for an aging parent, the question is always going to be “who is the most stable?” In this case, John was the clear choice and Jesus made his decision based on spiritual rather than physical criteria. And we can also assume that the new little family could rely on God to provide for their needs if they kept the faith, which really put John as the winner in both categories.
But the words that Jesus uses are interesting to consider. First, why did Jesus wait until literally the last moment to make this request? The article suggests that no one really understood what Jesus meant when he foretold of his death up until the moment that he was being nailed to the cross. So if he were to ask John to care for his mother before John fully understood why he was unable to do it himself would have really complicated matters. It also would have relieved Jesus’ own obligation to care for his mother, which was required under the commandments. So if Jesus had delegated that task any sooner, he would be shirking his responsibility to “honor his father and mother,” thereby setting a terrible example and sinning. He had to wait until he quite literally could not care for her himself any further.
At no point in that statement did Jesus refer to his mother as such or by her given name, but says, “woman.” He also used this term for her at the wedding in Cana, so we know that it’s a sign of respect. An article entitled “Woman, Behold Thy Son” from biblestudy.orgquotes John Gill as saying, “Christ calls her not mother, but woman; not out of disrespect to her, or as ashamed of her; but partly that he might not raise, or add strength to her passions, by a tenderness of speaking.” He was giving her closure, creating a mental separation between them, so that she could know that he’s ok with her acting as mother to another, John. It’s like I’ve heard so many times working in the hospital that people hold on to life because they don’t want to leave their loved ones unprepared. There are so many times I’ve heard that it wasn’t until the surviving loved ones told the dying person, “I’ll be ok, you can let go” and then they will die. I feel like this might be similar for Jesus, telling Mary it’s ok to let him go and it’s ok to move forward.
John Gill continues, “and partly to conceal her from the mob, and lest she should be exposed to their rude insults.” There was this small group gathered around Jesus while he died, mourning, but there were many more both watching and passing by who were not fans of Jesus, so it might have been dangerous for Mary’s identity to be known among them. The article also points out that “Jesus’ oral statement before witnesses made the obligation to the beloved disciple (John) binding.” In Jewish law, there had to be two or three witnesses to a binding transaction. Even though it might seem like Jesus is demanding John to care for his mother, he’s really asking him to agree to take on the responsibility for his. This is done in a setting where there are a sufficient number of witnesses for the agreement to be legally valid, so when John takes Mary to his own house that very hour, he has legally agreed to be the guardian for Jesus’ mother.