Pride Month - Romans 1:26-32

Like we talked about yesterday, I believe that the “wrath” of God if just when he allows us to feel the full weight and consequences of our decision. The word “wrath” has a violent and decisive connotation and I think that God uses that word on purpose. I’ve read different theories on human motivation and while some people can be properly motivated by the concept of reward, the vast majority of people are mainly motivated by fear of punishment.

I feel like there is also a division between motivation to keep the commandments that is based on the same principle. In the beginning, most people, myself included, keep the commandments because they don’t want to be punished for not keeping them. In other words, they view the commandments as restrictive rules that leaves them missing out on fun. Everyone has to start here because, usually, it’s obedience through sacrifice that leads to the spiritual growth needed to understand the higher level.
The second, higher level comes when we learn that God’s commandments are not restrictions, but protections. It is along these same lines that we learn that God’s punishments are not him angrily punching us in the face because he’s mad. Instead, God’s punishments are simply Him withdrawing his Spirit and privilege from our lives, just like we asked him to.
This begs the question, not why lead with that? Why not just start by telling everyone that you will withdraw your blessings and presence from them if they are not obedient? Probably because people will think “oh well that’s not too bad, I’ll just do what I want then.” The prospect of losing the Spirit and God’s hand in our lives is only a threat to those who value having them in the first place. Most people don’t have that natural understanding and longing for God naturally, so it has to follow through this process of fear and sacrifice, then to love and gratitude.
Paul even notes, continuing from verse 25 to 26, that those who rejected God and created their own worship, “for this cause God gave them up unto vile affections.” The word “gave” is cross-referenced to mean “abandoned, delivered,” which indicates that God didn’t afflict the wicked with more punishment, but instead simply let them have what they wanted, which was sin, and with that sin comes natural consequences.
Interestingly, the main sin Paul says is besetting the Roman people is that of “men with men working that which is unseemly,” meaning homosexuality. I struggle with this concept as well because I’m a firm believer that most gay people are born that way. I am firmly against the belief that being attracted to the same sex is a choice, so that begs the question, if homosexuals are born that way, why would God allow that or cause that, if it is against the commandments?
This is something that I’ve been able to understand better as I’ve gotten older and as I got divorced and became single again. There is an excellent book called “That We May Be One: A Gay Mormon’s Perspective on Faith and Family” by Tom Christofferson, the younger brother of D. Todd Christofferson. In it he talks about leaving the Church and having a same sex partner for like 20 years or something. Then he talks coming back to the gospel and reconciling the disconnect he felt between being born a certain way and being commanded to not live in accordance with that.
The IM quotes Elder Dallin H. Oaks as teaching, “the distinction between feelings or inclinations on the one hand, and behavior on the other hand, is very clear. It’s no sin to have inclinations that if yielded to would produce behavior that would be a transgression. The sin is in yielding to temptation.” This is the point of all sin, that we want to do it, be refrain to keep the commandments. He continues, “We urge persons with same-gender attractions to control those and to refrain from acting upon them, which is a sin, just as we urge persons with heterosexual attractions to refrain from acting upon them until they have the opportunity for a marriage recognized by God as well as by the law of the land. That is the way to happiness and eternal life.”
The take away is that sex is to be contained within a legal marriage between one man and one woman. That is just as true for me as it is for anyone who is gay, and that’s what has helped me understand more of this concept as I’ve grown older being single. But I’ve been able to learn that lesson through life experiences that has helped me understand that being single and temple worthy is more valuable to me than being in an relationship with someone that isn’t also temple worthy.
I’m confident that if I decided that being temple worthy wasn’t important to me anymore that I could find a man to be in a relationship with, probably even a good man that I would enjoy being with and would treat me decently. But it is more important and valuable to me to remain temple worthy, even if that means I remain alone for the rest of this life time.
President Oaks continues by promising that it is possible to obey that commandment, saying, “God has given us no commandment that He will not give us the strength and power to observe.” I have found that to be true in my life. How does he give me strength? He teaches me, he comforts me, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have panic attacks pretty regularly, but any unhappiness that I experience isn’t just because I’m single, because I have to recognize that I could be just as unhappy if I was married.
Learning that lesson comes with experience and wisdom, and is a hard road, so how do help others learn that same lesson who haven’t had our same experiences? How do we look at a teenager who is only attracted to the same gender and help them learn that obedience is better than living a lifestyle contrary to God’s laws? I mean that’s a question we have to ask ourselves about anyone, how do we help them learn that obedience is better for them than disobedience?
And I think that my biggest problem with the way that the issue of homosexuality is handled now is that its very shame based, very “you’re bad and you’re wrong for feeling something that is totally natural to you.” We have to approach it from a stand point of “what you feel is completely natural to you, God loves you and we love you.”
I absolutely can not stand when parents react harshly to a person who comes out as gay, like when they disown them or make them feel badly. Everyone is at a different place in their life and we need to meet them where they are, and if they haven’t gotten to the point where they feel obedience is better than “living in sin” then we still need to love them, because that’s what Jesus commanded us to do, love our neighbor.
Paul mentions other sins that provoke God’s wrath: fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate (strife, discord), deceit, malignity, whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:”
Then comes the kicker, “who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.” I read something somewhere about this verse, I though it was in the IM but I can’t find it now, that said that here Paul is talking about Christians who “have pleasure” in the sins of others.
In the context of homosexuality, I think there is a fine line between “loving” someone as God commanded, and taking “pleasure” in the sins of others. Again, this was a big issue for me because I feel like there is so much hate and negativity that is aimed at the LGBT community, even from members of the Church that I feel it’s important to show them that we aren’t all like that. That they are loved and welcomed as they are. It’s like Elder Holland says, “Come as your are… don’t plan to stay as you are.” We can love and accept where someone is and treat them with kindness, that’s our commandment, but we don’t have to “take pleasure” in someone else’s sins.
But then again, we sin too, so just because someone sins differently then me doesn’t make me better than them. We are all just trying to make it on this road home, and we need to love and support each other in that endeavor. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Maybe we should start making decisions towards gay people with the thought, “if this person was straight, what would my action be?” For instance, at church, if an unmarried, cohabitating couple comes in, we rush to their side to make friends, but if an unmarried, cohabitating gay couple comes in, we give them side eye and cold shoulders. That’s not what Jesus would do. Jesus would say, “welcome, come sit by me, what’s your name, how are you doing, who is the person you’re with?” And then do the same thing to everyone else.
Maybe the problem isn’t in what gay people do, because everyone only does what they think will benefit them. People living in a homosexual relationship honestly think that it’s the best way they can live their life. We can’t argue with where they are in their beliefs, but we can establish a mutually beneficial relationship so that when the time comes that they need more out of life, perhaps they will consider the gospel that has made us so happy and kind.