Charity 3 - 1 Corinthians 13:5

Paul continues expounding on the characteristics of charity:

Doth not behave itself unseemly - This is a pretty weirdly worded phrase because of the use of a double negative in there. It could just as easily have said, "doth behave itself in a seemly manner." I read an article about this phrase that the way this phrase was written in Greek, using a double negative, is meant to portray an added emphasis on the importance of this attribute. Meaning that unseemly behavior is very important to avoid. What does it mean to behave unseemly? My best guess would be acting in a way that would put off the average person or leave a bad impression on them about the Church. One way that I could liken this to is when working for a prestigious company, or really, any company, in orientation they almost always have a "social media" training section where they talk about what you can and cannot post on social media because as of that moment you are representing that company and they don't want to get a bad reputation because you act a fool online. I would imagine that this is something similar because as members, what we do reflects on the Church. Sometimes I'll act crazy and then think afterward, "I hope no one knows that I'm a member of the Church or else they'll never want to hear about it." I think it's like that, acting in a way that will not inhibit another person's perspective of the church. I'm a firm believer that one of the best missionary tools is "live your life so that people will want to know Christ because they know you." That is what I think is meant by this statement. When we have the true love of Christ within us, we want the same happiness for all others, and we don't want to be the reason why someone loses out on that happiness within them.

Seeketh not her own - This goes back to one of the topics from last week, seeking to always be the center of attention. I know someone who always looks at every situation from a "how is this going to help me do what I want." It's quite toxic actually, do the point where when one of his children went through a brutal divorce, he was actually happy about it because that meant that his child could then devote all of their time and attention to him. This might seem like an extreme example but how often do we look at someone and not truly see them because we see what they can do for us? I know that I have been guilty of that, especially when it comes to someone who has money or position. It's a natural inclination that we have as people to find ways to promote our own self interests, but it's over coming that natural desire that is the goal of charity. My son sent a message to this rich Instagram guy trying to get him to talk to him with the express hope that he would be able to give my son some money or a ride in his nice car or something like that. Looking at other people from the view of "what can I get from them," or "they have this and I like it, maybe if I'm their friend they'll give it to me." Please see through this attitude quickly, and it's one of the reasons why I think that many people who are rich or famous struggle, because it's like literally everyone is just out to get something from them. They aren't liked for their personality or who they are or their talents, it's only because other people want something from them. Building a relationship with someone without interest in how they can benefit you is true charity. I really like the saying, "you can tell someone's true nature by how they treat someone who can do nothing for them."

Is not easily provoked - This is a major stumbling block for me. I am so easily irritated or "puffed up" People act in ways that can be off putting, mean spirited, and bullying but they act this way because they are protecting themselves. I'm also a firm believer in the saying, "hurt people, hurt people," which is to say that happy people don't treat others poorly. I know that there are some studies that have shown that bullies actually have higher self-esteem than their victims and I'm sure that there is some validity to that, but I disagree with it for the most part. The IM quotes President Henry B. Eyring as teaching, "We do not know the hearts of those who offend us. Not do we know all the sources of our own anger and hurt." We don't know why people act poorly, and we also have to accept the fact that it is actually us ourselves who are the bad actors in the situation. I think the biggest part of "not easily provoked" is being patient with people and circumstances that we really want to explode at. When we are patiently quiet, we let the person know that they are worth our effort, and that can be transformative. And honestly, the opposite of this is being easily provoked and that is exhausting. Living angry all the time, trying to put everyone in their place, trying to constantly protect yourself from being hurt, it is a very difficult existence, I would know, I lived that way for probably 30 years, and it was tough. Patience with others not only gives them mercy but it is also a gift to yourself.

Thinketh no evil - Unfortunately, there is a lie perpetuated by Satan that we have no control over our own thoughts. In fact, I didn't realize until just a few years ago that Satan didn't have free access to our thoughts like the Spirit does. We can't help what comes into our head, but we have absolute control over what stays there. When it comes to our relationships with others, I would imagine that thinking evil would be something like always assuming the worst about someone, or thinking about them in a critical way that we wouldn't be comfortable saying to their face.  Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a good way to start. But honestly, naturally thinking negative things about other people takes conscious training to get rid of. Again, I know this personally because I've been a terrible person for a very long time and any progress that I've made has come at incredible effort and God's grace. There is a saying that I really like that goes something like, "We are what we perpetually do. Therefore, excellence is not a gift but a habit." This empowering statement reminds me that I am not relegated to what I was born with, that I can be and do anything with effort. Our thoughts are the same way, excellence of thought is a habit. It comes not only by passively kicking out thoughts that don't serve us, but also by actively thinking positive thoughts, therefore taking up room and energy in our mind to keep out the negative stuff. I was a very terrible person for a long time, swearing constantly, dirty jokes all the time, etc. But after I tried to stop being that person, I didn't really see a difference until a high school friend came over to my house and told a dirty joke and I not only didn't think it was funny but was irritated that she would bring that up in my home, around my children. That person is not who I am anymore, and while I'm so far from being perfect, controlling my thoughts has been important in becoming a more Christ-like person.