Believing Christ - A Reflection on Current Events

It’s been a very long last couple of weeks. First with the holiday, then I went out of town for several days and work has been so so so busy with everything starting to open back up, it’s been pretty crazy as far as being able, and honestly motivated, to write. But that’s only the more benign part of why I haven’t been around writing, the rest of it and honestly the biggest part is because I’ve been in so much personal turmoil over what has been going on with George Floyd. Last Monday was Memorial Day so I was chillin, then on Tuesday before I could really get into anything else, I watched the video of George Floyd being murdered and I basically just shut down. I was not only so angry that it happened, but so angry that nothing would probably happen to the officer who did it. I wrestled with the sheer injustice of it all, and because I felt just so helpless to do anything that mattered.

 

I spiraled down this mental rabbit hole until I was basically catatonic, as much as I can be while still working. Looking at my reaction objectively, I’m a financially comfortable white woman in the most powerful country in the world and I’m still depressed. It’s so easy to get trapped in our own little bubble and forget that there is a whole other world out there and there has been a whole host of human history. We are little specks of dust in the grand scheme of things, so getting focused on other specks of dust is logical in our world, but there is so much more out there to consider.

 

I was really mad at Jesus because of this, like really mad. There have been things that have happened in my life before where I called Jesus names and hated him, like after my nephew died, I called Jesus an a-hole. And I don’t think that he was mad at me for that, I truly believe that he was hurt but that he understood my grief. With this latest tragedy, our conversation went like this:

 

Me (non-functioning, angry): “What in the frick is going on?”

Jesus: “I have it under control.”

Me: “Well, it sure doesn’t look like it!”

Jesus: “Do you not believe what I said?”

 

This is the point where I remembered a book called “Believing Christ” that I haven’t read, but the premise is that we can believe in Christ, meaning that we can accept that he is an actual person and even that he is a God. But “believing Christ” means that we believe what he tells us. I had to really stop and ask myself if I believed in all the stuff that I sat here and talked about for all these years. Do I actually believe that he died every death? Because if so, then that means that during the atonement, Jesus laid on the ground and suffocated with a white murdering cop’s knee on his neck. Do I believe that Jesus knew exactly what George Floyd went through when he died? I do believe that. So then do I believe that Jesus will compensate George Floyd for the injustice that he suffered not only during his death but also any that he experienced during his life? I believe that He will. Do I believe that the place George went when his spirit left his body is beautiful and happy? I believe that too.

 

As absolutely horrific as George’s death was, unfortunately, this injustice and suffering is not unique to him. The amount of hardship, inequity, and misery endured on this planet by people and animals is completely unquantifiable, except for one way, the atonement. Now Jesus keeps these numbers close to his vest, but that’s his right. He offers the blessings of his atonement to all of us and all we have to do is believe what he tells us. I totally projected my feelings of helplessness on the Savior, thinking that because he can have a personal, tender relationship with me, he is limited to my abilities.

 

I guess that’s a difficult relationship for humans to reconcile, that Jesus can be so individualistic as to be our best friend, but also all powerful to rule the universe. No one else we know has the ability to both be 100% attentive to us and also have the ability to wield any power at all. It’s such a difficult relationship to reconcile and I didn’t realize that until right now. Usually powerful people, you have to be careful around because they are either corrupt and will turn on you or they are so busy that they don’t have time to think about you and make good plans for you and want to hear everything you have to say. It’s like they can either do their powerful job or they can be devoted to me, they can’t do both, but Jesus can, and that’s a very interesting concept.

 

So if I truly believe what Jesus says, then I have to trust that my keeping the commandments is the way in which I can most effectively render change in my community. I can stand up and speak out, but I must do so in a way that is compatible with the laws of God, such as kindness, integrity, and obeying the laws of the land. I have to trust that He will make all things right in the end, for all people, not just me. It’s hard for me to let go of that, but I have to trust that he has a plan and that all things will be made right, and that it will all be worth it and that we will all be grateful for the opportunity that we had to come to this earth and to live these lives. That’s a big job for anyone, but I guess if anyone can do it, Jesus can. I’ve learned a lot from this and I’m grateful.