Paul - A Reflection

It's interesting because, as I start the last chapter of 2 Corinthians, I look back and realize that I have spent 11 months with Paul writing to the Corinthians, and 14 months if we include his letter to the Romans before that. I guess maybe it's because Paul can be so difficult to understand that I haven't really been feeling it, but I had a little meltdown yesterday just contemplating life and death and loss and stuff like that. In the middle of all that, I thought about Paul. I don't know his personal circumstances as far as being married, etc. I suspect that he was married at some point because I think marriage is a requirement for being a Pharisee. But we never hear anything about his wife or family so it makes sense to me that his wife died young and either any children they had died too or he had given them to be raised by relatives. Even though he probably had at least one supporter with him some of the time, it seems like he is not only alone for much of his ministry but that he shoulders the burden of leadership. I just saw him as someone who didn't have much support from those around him, and was alone is his task and responsibility. There were probably times when he had other believers around him, but as the senior leadership, there probably wasn't much that others could do to teach or uplift him. He endured horrific physical pain for the sake of the gospel, and I believe that with his isolation and lack of support, he probably endured significant emotional pain as well. He probably felt a crushing burden of responsibility and probably very alone in his task. Yet despite this, he had a testimony of the Savior and His gospel that endured all that pain and still came out on top as optimistic and hopeful. It was just nice for me to be able to see someone who probably felt just as alone and crushed with burden as I do, and know that I can come from these feelings and gain a similar reassurance and strength of faith and character that Paul had. I guess I just thought that after spending so much time with Paul and feeling how it must have been for him to be rejected and dismissed because of his physical flaws, despite everything that he had done for the people, I finally was able to relate to him as a person. Ultimately, I'm trying to be like Jesus, but it's nice to be able to have examples of others who also were trying to be like Jesus and how they handled it. I have always viewed Paul as being completely different than me but now I can kind of relate to him and see how I can incorporate his examples of dedication and faith into my life. It was refreshing to see. I had to really ask myself, "do you believe in life after death? Do you really believe that all the pain that is felt in this life can be for our good? Do you really believe in God?" I ask myself these questions so often that I can't help but wonder if that's because I'm so incredibly spiritually weak. But whatever it is, it gives me a chance to turn to God for the answers and reassurance.