November Reflections

Just a few thoughts on what’s been going on, especially since I haven’t been posting as much as I would have liked. First, I’ve been finishing a bachelor’s degree and November was my last month and I had to really buckle down to finish some final tests as stuff so that’s been my main focus this month because if I didn’t finish them then I would have been out a lot of money and time to finish it the next term. I’m hoping to start an MBA program in January, I don’t know how time intensive that will be, but I assume that it will require the same time commitment from me so work through in an efficient manner so postings might be similar is infrequency for a while. But I do want to make it more of a priority.

I’ve spent the last 3 years in the Old Testament and in that time I’ve only gone through Genesis and half of Exodus. This includes spending this entire year only on Exodus. At this rate I’ll get through the Old Testament in 20 years and that’s too long. I need to make it more of a priority, even if it’s only 30 minutes a day because I’ve lost quite a bit of momentum. The material is interesting and I love making the connections between what was given by God anciently and what we have been given today. And I can definitely tell when I’ve been slipping in the study-post department spiritually, there’s definitely a diminished shine to my testimony. And I don’t think that it’s because the words in the Old Testament are so profound and they uplift me or anything because those teachings are found elsewhere too. But I think that it’s the fact that I make, even a small, effort that is rewarded with increased faith, understanding, and testimony.

Lastly, I’ve been kind of “wallowing” or more accurately, reassessing, since the election. I realized around 1am on Nov 6th that I had immersed myself in a reddit echo chamber because I was shocked that Harris lost and it took me several days of working some things out with Jesus to come out of just a complete stupor. So I’ve been working really closely with Him to figure out what exactly he wants to me do moving forward, and I think the realization that I came to just tonight was that I need to learn to “love my enemies.” I always hated that statement because it’s so counter-intuitive and it seems to imply that injustice, abuse and oppression can simply be hand-waved away by “love,” and I don’t think that is what the plan of salvation means.

But the other half of that statement is “pray for them who do spitefully use you and persecute you,” so the suffering that evil people cause is recognized and the solution to that suffering is to pray. This is an interesting concept, so I’ll be reflecting on it a sharing what I’ve learned, if anyone is interested.

Here are some thoughts that have helped me so far:

1. Jesus Christ changed the world and effected every single living being throughout the universe for good without once engaging negatively with the Roman political system. Everyone will have their position in the system and many can work for good through politics, but I just don’t think getting involved that way is what He wants for ME to do. And no matter what the worst case scenario is or what ends up happening, our society probably won’t be worse than it was during Roman rule. And the Roman empire fell. Empires fall, we are not immune to political strife and internal conflict simply because geographically we house the headquarters of the Church. I just so happen to be in Helaman and 3rd Nephi in the time since the election and I saw a lot of similarities between what was happening in the Book of Mormon at that time and our currently political system. Additionally, I was very surprised to hear David A. Bednar’s talk “In the Space of Not Many Years” discuss these exact chapters and his commentary was very interesting and I feel like mirrored by own feelings significantly.

2. Throughout human history almost every single person who has ever existed has or currently does live in a system of oppression and abuse, almost every single one. The fact that many of us don’t now, is a fluke in societal evolution. So if the worst case scenario plays out and there is suffering and death, that’s tragic and I don’t want that and will do whatever to relive suffering where I can, but we have to accept that this is the human condition on this planet and it always has been. If we truly believe in Jesus Christ and the Plan of Salvation, then we have to believe that all pain and suffering has been accounted and will be compensated for to the point that we will look back on our time on earth, regardless of how horrific, and think “yeah that was worth it.” I don’t know exactly how the compensation will work so that the horror in this life can be corrected for, but the promise is that it will be, and I believe Him. There’s a talk in this most recent general conference called “Mortality Works” that I found to be very insightful while addressing this very topic.

3. In order for conditions to become so bad that the second coming is triggered, they have to start somewhere. I remember thinking like 10 years ago when Obama was president “how can things get as bad as the second coming is prophesied?” and the next election I thought “oh, that’s how.” I personally don’t believe in hastening the second coming, let things play out the way they will, but if it really is “around the corner” like has been taught for so long, then it has to start somewhere. The question is simply, what does Jesus want my role to be in this lifetime and will I do it?

These are just some of the thoughts that I’ve had over the last couple of weeks that have helped me and the mindset shift that has occurred has been significant. I’ve been going through a several years process of trauma healing that had positioned me into a more victim mindset for a while. But the minute I came to terms with the election results, that ended, I came out of a victim mentality because I’m strong and I thrive in abusive environments. I’m naturally a fighter, I will fight to the death on a hill that doesn’t matter so approaching life and whatever is to come from a perspective of not fighting is new for me, so I’m going to have to work very closely with Jesus to figure out exactly what he wants me to do. But I’m ready to try, to work at it, and trust that there’s so much more going on at the higher level that it will all be ok.